Your question arises from the failure of many texts in properly distinguishing between the meta-system and the actual formal system under study. You, at all times, are doing mathematics in the meta-system, and in the field of mathematical logic you are studying some formal system (such as the one you have here with some syntactic rules for forming well-formed formulae (wff) and one deductive rule and three axioms). So, let us precisely express them, and you will see.
$
\def\quote#1{{``}#1{"}}
\def\meta#1{\mathbin{\dot#1}}
$
Syntactic rules
Note that wffs are strings. Given any two strings $x,y$ we shall use "$x+y$" to denote the concatenation of $x$ followed by $y$. We shall also use quotes to specify literal strings. For example, you are a person but "you" is a string.
Closure under negation: Given any wff $A$, the string $\quote\neg+A$ is also a wff.
Closure under implication: Given any wffs $A,B$, the string $\quote(+A+\quote\to+B+\quote)$ is also a wff.
Note how I used quote-marks above. It would be technically incorrect to write:
... the string $(A \to B)$ is also a wff. (technically incorrect)
Because the "$\to$" and the brackets are symbols in the formal system under study, not symbols in the meta-system we are using!
Deductive rules
The system under study has only one deductive rule:
Given any wffs P,Q, if you have deduced $P$ and $\quote(+P+\quote\to+Q+\quote)$, then you can deduce $Q$.
Again, note how I used quote-marks.
Abbreviative definitions
Now we come to the so-called 'definition' of "$\land$":
Take any strings $A,B$. The string $\quote(+A+\quote\land+B+\quote)$ is not a wff in the formal system under study, simply because "$\land$" is not a symbol in its language. However, we wish to use that string to stand for $\quote{\neg(}+A+\quote{\to\neg}+B+\quote)$.
This wish is not trivial to fulfill rigorously. The easiest way to do it correctly is to add a syntactic rule for closure of wffs under $\quote\land$:
Closure under conjunction: Given any wffs $A,B$, the string $\quote(+A+\quote\land+B+\quote)$ is also a wff.
and then check that you can still uniquely parse (interpret) a wff, so that it makes sense to stipulate that $\quote(+A+\quote\land+B+\quote)$ is rewritten as $\quote{\neg(}+A+\quote{\to\neg}+B+\quote)$ before parsing, to obtain our wish.
As you observed, such a rewrite-rule is not an axiom.
What is that 'equality'?
Note that I did not say that $\quote(+A+\quote\land+B+\quote)$ is the same string as $\quote{\neg(}+A+\quote{\to\neg}+B+\quote)$, because it is of course false. We are only using a rewrite-rule; the strings themselves are not equal.
You are equally free to 'define' any other notation in the same fashion, using rewrite-rules, and you would have to deal with the same issue of unique parsing. This happens in mathematics itself as well. When you define a new notation it is important that there is still only one way to read things.
So while it is technically wrong to state this rewrite-rule as an equality, it is intuitively 'equal' in the sense of being logically equivalent, since the final parsing is the same.
I hope that this addresses your inquiry. If everything is clear, you can continue reading. There is a different way to go about logic that would actually make what is technically wrong above correct, but it may be confusing unless you fully understand the more concrete way above.
Meta-operators
First let us see how we can abstract out the wff formation:
Given any string $A$, define $\meta\neg A = \quote\neg+A$.
Given any strings $A,B$, define $A \meta\to B = \quote(+A+\quote\to+B+\quote)$.
Note that unlike the strings $\quote\neg$ and $\quote\to$, $\meta\neg$ and $\meta\to$ are operations on strings (in the meta-system). So we can in fact do the following:
Given any strings $A,B$, define $A \meta\land B = \meta\neg( A \meta\to (\meta\neg B) )$.
Note that the brackets here are in the meta-system, used so that we know which string operation to perform first. If we use the typical precedence rules, namely that $\meta\neg$ is higher precedence than $\meta\to$, then we could have done the following:
Given any strings $A,B$, define $A \meta\land B = \meta\neg( A \meta\to \meta\neg B )$.
A more abstract way to conceptualize this is that $\meta\to$ and $\meta\neg$ are actually operations on parse trees rather than strings, and so the above definition of $\meta\land$ is just a definition of a new operation on parse trees in terms of previously defined ones.
The question that may arise at this point is: Why don't we do it this way and not use strings at all? The simple answer is that the only way to completely formalize a formal system is to be able to encode it into some linear representation such as strings, so you are still going to have to decide on how exactly to encode wffs as strings. Similarly when you use logic on paper. Hence the concrete first approach is ultimately the practical way.